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O'Keeffe Skull Streak--Fanish JMTorres
Soy Latte. Smallville/Roswell/Drops of Jupiter crossover that never got off the ground.

I. Ficlets: serious, silly, smallville
"Harder," Lex demanded. He was on his back, his legs up and half-way wrapped around Clark, who was in him.

"Lex," Clark ground out, stopping completely. He bent over slowly, dipping his head, trying to get Lex's attention. Lex let out a hitching gasp and tried to rock, but stilled at Clark's serious expression and the tightening of hands on his arms. "Lex," Clark repeated. "Don't push me, I'll break--" His words cut off. His mouth was still open. Lex wanted to kiss it some more. "I'll break," he repeated, a whisper.

Lex reached up to touch Clark's cheek.

Yadda. Yes, I'm now posting snippets. There's more to that one floating around somewhere--where Lex thinks Clark's holding back because he knows something about Lex's health, and Lex gets pissy. And in the ensuing argument, Clark actually finds out about Lex's meteor-related condition high WBC count etc, and does his really idiotically obvious "I'm soooo sorry" thing.

Originally posted 8 Dec. 2001


II. Damn lyric associations. Keep wanting me to join.
Drops of Jupiter. Main theme of the song is "Did you miss me while I was looking for myself out there." This would be the Evil Fucking Angst Bunny From Hell. Not to jump on any bandwagons, but I think this fic would involve Clark running away from home/Lex/Smallville/possibly Earth but not likely.

"Did you fall from a shooting star?" Um, yes? Actually, the line is "fall FOR a shooting star" and if I can keep that in mind, I might be able to kill the bunny.

"Told a story about a man who is too afraid to fly so he never did land" No comment.

Whole verse of "come on back now" stuff, with my snarks added:
"Can you imagine no love, pride," Love and pride... sums up Lex/Clark pretty well to me...
"deep-fried chicken" Am suddenly reminded of another song which I will quote in its entirety in a moment, and leave you to your own conclusions.
"Your best friend always sticking up for you even when I know you're wrong" Lex helping Clark out with Lana even though she has no personality and doesn't deserve him? (Am shocked at self.) Sorry. Been reading the MightyBigTV recaps.
"Can you imagine no first dance," Clark never did collect on that dance she offered to save him... too busy stacking trucks.
"freeze dried romance" Bwahahahahahahaha.
"five-hour phone conversation: On a cell? While driving?
"The best soy latte that you ever had . . ." Is that what you ordered? Not even close...
"And me." Yes, Lex, we know everything's about you.

And the answer to the question "And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there"--bunny has announced that Clark left *because* of fricking hellacious fight/alien-outing with Lex, so you damn betcha Lex was on his mind a lot. And why did he come back? Oy vey. Big hint: happy ending.

That other song I mentioned. Much less well-known, by a band called The Austin Lounge Lizards, who are mockingly political. Insert "Smallville, Kansas" for "Lodgepole, Nebraska," even though "Lodgepole" is much more phallic.

"Cornhusker Refugee"

Here in San Francisco, the rain is a-drizzlin'
I'm sitting here a-drinkin' with my loneliness and pain
On the bar television, the Giants are losin'
I'm livin' and illusion so why do I remain?

Take me home to the flatlands
Good old welcome-mat-lands
Where the waving fields of wheat say, "Come back soon!"
Take me home to that little town where
Everyone's your neighbor
And the family ate dead chickens every Sunday afternoon.

It's hard to be gay in Lodgepole, Nebraska:
That's something I never should have asked him to do
Whe he left me he shattered my rose-colored glasses,
Still my mind keeps searching for that simple life I knew

Take me home to the flatlands
Good old welcome-mat-lands
Where the football fight song is the favorite tune
(Let's hear it for good old Nebraska)
Take me home to that little town where
Everyone's Jim Nabors
And the family ate dead chickens every Sunday afternoon.

Cable cars and leather bars have superficial glamour
But the city's constant clamor has no music for me
Nebraska in the evening is harmoniously quiet
But I know I must stay a Cornhusker Refugee

Take me home to the flatlands
Good old welcome-mat-lands
Where the waving fields of wheat say, "Come back soon!"
Take me home to that little town where
Everyone's your neighbor
And the family ate dead chickens every Sunday afternoon.

You know, I always got the impression Metropolis was a west coast town... didn't Superman have to dump people in The Bay every once in a while?

Okay, here's the deal. I do NOT do song fics. I'm just sayin', the damn music is starting to inspire me. I might have to write something if I keep listening to this stuff...

Originally posted 8 Dec. 2001


III. "You're not... from *around here*, are you?" "No, I'm from Kansas."
The Roswell/Smallville bunny isn't leaving me alone. I think running-away-Clark is going to end up in New Mexico where the age of consent is 13 so it's all good when Lex catches up to him. ("I got tired of waiting for you to come back.")

It's being odd, though. For instance, you'd THINK Clark would bond with one of the aliens... Max, maybe. But he's attached himself to Kyle. See, the Roswell alien teens have known their whole lives that they weren't from around here, but Kyle got dunked into the mess as a teen, via near-death experience. (And his dad already knew. *snicker* I'm already planning on a man-to-man talk between Bo Duke and William Sadler.)

Anyway. Conversation between Kyle and Clark. (Huh. Kyle is a bit of an ex-Whitney, which makes it odder yet. One of the hockey guys at my HS was a Whitney. Hmmm.) Clark is explaining how he found out he was alien/indestructible/gay--telling the Maniac in the Porsche story. He gets to the part about mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, and Kyle counters, "How nice of you. Max skips the light necking and goes straight to ripping your shirt open so he can cop a feel while healing bullet wounds with his bare hands."

I had no idea my Kyle muse was so snarky. Actually, I didn't know I HAD a Kyle muse.

Earlier in the plot line. Trying to figure out how to get the Roswell kids and Clark all admit to being aliens. Someone in #smallville wisely suggested sticking them in a situation that forced them to reveal themselves. Oh damn, you mean I have to have a plot? Did have a cute bit of dialogue though:

Michael: That guy. The one Liz is serving the galaxy sub.
Maria: What about him?
Michael: I don't know... he seems... different somehow...
Maria: Setting off your gaydar?

Thinking of making this a Max/Michael established relationship fic on the side. Possible reason why Clark doesn't bond with them--he's too busy trying sort out his own sexuality along with everything else to handle theirs? Except was going to make the upset with Lex that causes him to leave to be more about the alien thing than anything else. Maybe he also has a fight with the 'rents too, over Lex. One of my best friends came out to her mom when she found her upset over a break-up. Hmm. Possibilities.

Ma Kent: Clark, what's wrong?
Clark: *sniffle* Lex-- he--
Pa Kent: I told you no good would come of befriending him, son. What did he do?
Clark: He--he--God, he'll never even talk to me again now. I--we--I feel so *stupid.*
Ma Kent: Oh, Clark, I'm sure whatever happened it wasn't your fault.
Clark: We broke up, all because I was stupid enough to tell him what a *freak* I am...
Pa Kent: ...
Ma Kent: ...
Pa Kent: WHAT?

Anyway, back to the Roswell side of things, and Kyle. Mmmmm, Kyle. So gay. But Clark doesn't realize it right off the bat because Kyle is very fond of Tess... like a sister bwahahahaha!

Thoughts for when Lex finally rolls into town.
Kyle: This is the Maniac with the Porsche?
Clark: Yeah.
Kyle: Hmm. I somehow expected him to be less bald.
Clark: Does it matter?
Kyle: *shrug* Not if you like that sort of thing.

I like Kyle when he's laidback. The Buddha Boy phase. I need to go watch tapes. And distort the heck out of the timeline.

Originally posted 9 Dec. 2001


IV. Crap!
But Alex is Kyle's one true love!

Originally posted 10 Dec. 2001


V. Snippety bits. I LIKE William Saddler.
Have decided to make it that Max and Michael are in their canon relationships (though everyone on that show is bi, I swear to God) and have Kyle be the Gay One, with Alex. Anyway, now Clark bonds more with Kyle *because* Kyle is also gay. Giving Kyle the gaydar line. Considering having Michael spike Clark's chili with a couple of bottles of tabasco sauce, to see if he likes it. Since Clark can't exactly burn his mouth on it... looks pretty "from up north" to me!

Before I go any further, reccage. american pie is just about my favorite place in the world for Kyle/Alex, especially the fic Too Well by Livia (who I'm wondering if she's the same Livia who runs ClarkLex. Will have to ask).

Moving on to the day the music died. Kyle has revealed to his father that Clark is "from the Planet Krypton by way of Kansas." Alternatively, "from outer space by way of Kansas," if Smallville hasn't named Krypton yet. Hmm. Despite the fact that Kyle makes merry giving out others' secrets to his dad, Kyle himself is not Out. Anyway. Clark and Valenti talk, on their own. I'll *definitely* have to put lots of Clark-reaction in between bits of Valenti's monologue, but right now let me just commit this to the ether.

Valenti: You look a little young to be on your own.
Clark: [shrugs uncomfortably]
Valenti: You got parents?
Clark: A--adoptive. Human.
Valenti: They know? Or you keeping them in the dark, like the Evans' kids?
Clark: They know. Had my--[laughs shakily]--my spaceship in the storm cellar for years before they told me where I came from.
Valenti: They know where you are now?
Clark: [shakes his head]
Valenti: You think they're worried?
Clark: I don't know.
Valenti: You don't think they're worried about you?
Clark: They--they know what I can do. That nothing can really hurt me.
Valenti: Still, you don't think they'd like to hear from you?
Clark: We--we kind of had a fight. I think I might be disowned.
Valenti: What for?
Clark: [mumbles]
Valenti: What was that, son?
Clark: [takes a deep breath and a flying leap--no pun intended] Because I think I might be gay.
Valenti: You think your parents disowned you because you think you might be gay?
Clark: Well--there was this guy--and, well--I kind of told them when we broke up--and--they just--I just.
Valenti: Huh. [ruminates] Which do you think your parents were madder about, that you'd had a boyfriend, or that you hadn't been telling them what was going on in your life?
Clark: [looks up; this hadn't occurred to him] I don't know.
Valenti: You think that maybe, if what was upsetting them was you not trusting them, maybe they'd want to hear from you? Want you to tell them how you are now?
Clark: I don't know.
Valenti: You mind if I give you the parent's perspective?
Clark: [nods; he means, no, he doesn't mind, of course]
Valenti: Kyle's--Kyle's a good kid. I don't know if he's gay or not. He hasn't told me anything. [holds up a hand] If you know anything, don't tell me. If he does have something to tell me, I'd rather hear it from him. But [sighs] I have heard things from his friends. You see... these kids... well, it's like they can't keep a secret to save their lives. Max and Isabel and Michael used to have a pact not to tell anyone who they were, but they ended up telling Liz and Maria and Alex, and Tess of course, and eventually my son and me, and now you. Now, seeing as I'm the only adult in this rapidly growing club--the only human one anyway--
Clark: There are adult aliens?
Valenti: Well. Tess's father--not exactly her father, her protector. He's dead now, but he didn't exactly encourage them to open up and share their troubles while he was alive, seeing as most of what he did was try to make sure their secret identities were safe. At any rate, I know I'm not the first person these kids come to when they have a problem; they're more likely to try to solve everything they can amongst themselves first, but they do know they can trust me, and that I can keep a level head. So I get a few confidences. They tell me--they tell me my son and Al--and one of the boys in their group are--close. I don't know exactly how close they mean, because these kids have code words for everything. Like they probably asked you if you were "from up North" or--and I have no idea where this one comes from--"Czechoslovakian." [pauses, preparing to go on]
Clark: [murmurs] No, they didn't spring that one on me.
Valenti: I know my son has changed. He's had a hard time dealing with finding out that--aliens are among us. He doesn't--he doesn't act like he used to. I don't know if he's gay, or if he's--dating this boy, but I know I'm worried about him. If he is gay--well, I wouldn't disown him, and I wouldn't be disappointed in him, but I'd be sad, I think, because I know we don't make it easy for gay people in this country, and I don't ever want to see Kyle put through that crap. Maybe you've got powers to protect yourself from a gay-bashing, but my son--my son is just human. And not all the things people do to gays are physical attacks, anyway. You know what I mean--the thought that your parents were angry at you for it sent you running from them.
Clark: [nods] But--but you wouldn't be angry, like they were.
Valenti: Well, I'd be angry at people for anything they might have done or might ever do to my son over it. And I don't know how well I'd be able to say that if I didn't think any of this through before--before if he ever tells me if he is. And I understand why he'd be afraid to tell me something like that, but if it's true, then I wish he did trust me, and it makes me a little mad sometimes to think he's lying to me about it. I don't know how much you gave your parents the chance to say before you ran off, Clark, but maybe all they wish is that no one would ever hurt you, and you would trust them to help.
Clark: I--I didn't give them a chance to say a whole lot--I couldn't really take it, not after fighting with--my ex, I guess--
Valenti: You want to call them?
Clark: I--I don't know.
Valenti: You want me to check if they've put out a missing persons report on you, and call them up to say you were seen in town, to see if they want to hear from you?
Clark: You wouldn't tell them I was still here? In your--custody?
Valenti: Not if you'd run off so they couldn't catch you. I doubt I could keep you in my custody if you were dead set against it.
Clark: I--thank you.
Valenti: So? What do you want to do, son?
Clark: I think--I think I'll call them.

This fic feels oddly confessional... it wouldn't be the first piece in which I've given characters my closet-angst, slightly altered. You know, this whole alienation theme both shows have--it's a LOT like being in the closet. The teen angst of the gay. Is it any wonder people slash the heck out of these characters?

My mom was not quite this eloquent about explaining why she wished I wasn't gay. Mind you, she didn't have a lot of forewarning--my friends keep secrets better. And girls can go out to lunch together without setting off as many alarms.

Oh. And she also said she wished she could ask me to keep an open mind, but felt like that would be politically incorrect or something.


Originally posted 10 Dec 2001


VI. Title picked. God help me.
Had reaction to "The best soy latte you ever had" from the Drops of Jupiter post, so this is going to be called "Soy Latte" or "Best Soy Latte" or something. To not make this completely random and out of context, there will actually BE a soy latte in the story. Lex will order it, and it will go by the name of raktajino on the Crashdown menu.

Raktajino. What klingon would put soy milk in his coffee? Well, a klingon wouldn't. A klingon would be drinking straight rakta, not this raktajino crap the humans have watered down. So it actually oddly fits, in a nobody-but-a-Phil-Farrand-disciple-would-know kind of way. Maybe Alex would know.

Not putting that IN the fic though. Just sort of meta thoughts. Won't explain the title until the end. With the soundtrack listing. Which now includes some Elvis Costello. "Where are the strong, and who are the trusted? And where is that harmony, sweet harmony?"

Originally posted 12 Dec. 2001


VII. What the hell am I on?
snippet of IM:
Me: I think now I need to figure out which, of Clark and Lex, is coffee, and which is soy milk
Me: I really AM insane aren't I?
Isa: Clark is the coffee. Lex is the soy milk.
Me: You're going to have to explain that because I nearly had it the other way around
Me: no don't tell me
Me: you're comparing their heads
Isa: *snicker* Well, also personalities. Clark tends to be more hyper.
Me: hehe
Me: I was going by flavors.
Isa: ?
Me: Bitter, and almost sweet.

Still failing to come up with a VotW that can follow Clark from Smallville. Thinking of having the Plot be something wherein *Clark* is the object of the interesting effect. I don't know, he starts dreaming about Krypton or... something more tangible. Anyway, that's how the Interesting Thing comes with him to Roswell. And it somehow forces his confession of his true identity to both Lex and the Roswellians.

This "soy latte" thing is really stupid. Why am I sticking to it?

Originally posted 12 Dec. 2001


VIII. Blech.
Ficness: I am so not impressed.

"Excuse me, sir."

Sir. That was something Keith didn't get called everyday. He looked up from the crate of sodas. "Yes?" he asked the tall, black-haired twenty-something standing by the junk food machine.

"The machine ate my dollar. Could I--have one?" He nodded towards crate at Keith's feet.

Keith squinted at him. He looked around the rest stop briefly--as he'd thought, no cars. "You break down on the highway?" he asked.

The kid shook his head, blushing a little. Keith was rapidly revising the estimate of his age downwards. Keith scratched his head. Teenager. College student age at least? High schooler, and runaway, more like. "So how did you get out here to Nowhere, Texas?"

"Long story," the other replied.

"So long as it doesn't end in 'and I was murdered twelve years ago,' I might offer you a ride," Keith answered.

He got a chuckle. "All I asked for was a drink, not a starring role in 'The Tale of the Vanishing Hitchhiker,'" the boy said with a smile.

Keith shrugged and hefted the sodas to put into the vending machine. "You ride, you get your pick of what's in the back."

"Oh. That's generous," Keith's hitchhiker said uncertainly. "Would you like some help with that, sir?" He was suddenly at Keith's side, catching the sliding crate.

"Thanks," Keith said gruffly, quickly loading the machine. "Name's Keith Tate, not 'sir.' And yours?"

"Clark. Clark--" He rocked on the "k," obviously struggling to come up with something. "Johnson. Where are you heading?"

"West for a ways, then south to Roswell and Carlsbad. I only restock the tourist traps," Keith told Clark. He closed up the machine. "Come on, let's get the candy for the other one."

"What's touristy here?" Clark asked, following Keith out to the truck.

"Cadillac Ranch, a few miles east of here," Keith answered. "Bunch of cars, buried upturned like dolphins diving in the surf. Supposed to be art."

"I've never seen the ocean," Clark confessed.

"Maybe we can hook you up with someone going out to California, before I get off I-40," Keith suggested, opening the trailer. "That is, if you're coming?"

Clark bit his lip, then nodded once, quickly.

"Great," Keith said, pulling out a crate of candy bars and chips. "I get to hear that story and you get to have whatever you like out of here."

"Thanks," Clark said, climbing in and looking around. Keith chuckled and went to restock the other vending machine.

When Keith got to the cab, Clark was in the passenger seat with two Pepsi's, three bags of peanut M&M's, a box of Hot Tamale red candies, four bags of ranch tortilla chips and a couple of packages of beef jerky. "Too much?" Clark asked.

"No, eat up," Keith replied with a chuckle.

Which ep did Michael run away in? (Emancipation.) Plain M&M's are Michael and Maria; Peanut M&M's are Max and Michael. I'm considering putting in a little Spider John ("Spider John is my name, friends; I'm in between freights, and I sure would be obliged if I could share your company. I'm on my way to nowhere; I been runnin' from my past, runnin' from the things I used to be") but even if the trucker WOULD have Willis Alan Ramsey I am NOT doing a songfic. Agggggh.

Trying to figure out how to get him to tell how he got here in a stumbling yet still interesting manner. Also still working on the smoking thing.

Originally posted 19 Dec. 2001


IX. The Picard Connection
"Clark called us," Martha told Lex. She had sent Jonathan to the grocery store before making the call, because Jonathan still did not appreciate what Lex must mean to Clark.

She heard him take a deep breath, and release it. "Is he alright?"

"Yes," she said. She was leaning on the kitchen counter, bent over the phone, irrationally anxious that Jonathan would come back and catch her. "He said he was fine."

She heard Lex breathe again. "That's--that's good. I, um, I can't talk at the office. Can I come by?"

"When?" Martha asked, her hand tightening on the coiled cord of the phone.

"Now?" Lex suggested.

"Yes," Martha agreed.

Lex arrived about ten minutes later. He took one look at Martha's face and said, "Oh God. He IS alright isn't he?"

"He's fine, he's fine," Martha said. "I just--I miss him. And he's not coming back right away. If--if he does come back."

"Of course he's coming back," Lex insisted. "If we have to drag him. Where did he go?"

"New Mexico," Martha replied. "Roswell, New Mexico."

Lex sat down hard in a kitchen chair, and said, quietly, as if he did not quite want Martha to hear, "Shit."

She wiped her face with the back of her hand. Talking to Clark made her want her little boy back, and cry. Talking to Jonathan made her curse his inflexibility, and cry. Talking to Lex made her want Clark back and want Jonathan to understand, and cry. She had gotten to hate crying.

"What's he trying to do, find his own?" Lex asked harshly.

"Oh, Lex," Martha sighed, sitting down next to him. "I know you're afraid of losing him. I am, too. But it's selfish of us not to want him to find out who he really is."

"That's not--the only thing I'm afraid of," Lex answered. "Mrs. Kent--" He still called her that, no matter how many times she told him to call her Martha. It was Mr. and Mrs. Kent, as if this would prove to Jonathan that he was a decent human being. "I've been over this back and forwards in my head, and I can only think of two reasons anyone would shoot an infant off into space, and neither of them are pretty. Either his world was--I don't know, facing nuclear war or plagues or genetically engineered locusts, and his parents gave him the only chance for survival they could"--Martha nodded; they had always thought something horrible must have happened for Clark's real parents to send him out like that--"Or--or he was a space monkey for some other race or species, considered worthless enough to test interstellar travel on."

Martha found her mouth open in surprise. Apparently hoping that Clark had come to them because someone loved him enough to save him from whatever was wishful thinking. "But--who would do that to a human be--I mean, a--sentient being?"

"Sentient," Lex said derisively. "You've been watching too much Star Trek, Mrs. Kent. You think the monkeys we sent into orbit weren't sentient? How come we aren't offering equal rights to primates? Or dolphins? Dolphins are superior to us in every way, except they don't have opposable thumbs, so they can't build technology."

Martha bit her lip.

"My point was," Lex told her, "both explanations are--terrible. I don't want him to find out either one is true."

"You think he hasn't been thinking up things like that since the minute we told him?" Martha demanded. "It was bad enough when he just thought he'd been abandoned in a cornfield. He's always tortured himself with possibilities. It'd be better for him to just know."

"Haven't you heard? Ignorance is bliss," Lex shot back. "As long as he doesn't know anything for certain, it's not real."

"And maybe what he'll find out won't be bad at all," Martha suggested desperately. "Maybe we've all been wrong it--maybe we just don't understand. It could be that... his people send out all their children, so they come back with--with all the knowledge of the galaxy."

"And I thought my plan was based on denial," Lex snapped. "Saw that episode. Turned out the sirens were lying--they only wanted to convince Harry Kim he was one of them so they could suck his life force or salt or--something." Lex seemed to run out of steam. He wouldn't look Martha in the eye, instead fiddling with the pepper shaker.

"I'm just saying," Martha said softly. "It could be."

"I don't see how it's possible but I hope to God you're right," Lex replied. "Even if it means he goes back to share his knowledge of Earth with them, so long as it makes him fucking happy." He glanced up at Martha, seemingly just realizing he'd said "fuck" to her face. She smiled wanly at him. He sighed. "So I suppose this means you don't think we should go haring after him to save him from his past."

Martha shook her head. "He will come back to us. When he's ready."

Lex rubbed his thumb over the pepper shaker and looked away. Martha bent her head.

After a while, she asked, "So, you watch Star Trek?"

The back story on this runs roughly:
Lionel: Wear the damn wig!
LittleLex: It ITCHES!
Lionel: Bald people never have positions of power, Lex. When was the last time we had a bald president?
LittleLex: How the hell should I know?
Lionel: It's a sign of weakness! Of--decrepitness!
LittleLex: Jesus, Dad, I'm not YOUR age!
Lionel: And if you're young, people think you're a fucking Neo-Nazi!
LittleLex: You're wrong. Picard's bald and he's the captain of the whole Enterprise!
Lionel: Which only PROVES that Star Trek is a fairy tale! You're too old for that crap.
LittleLex: It's NOT crap!
Lionel: Right, that's it, you don't get to play with your chemistry set until you learn enough physics to explain to me why things can't travel faster than light.
LittleLex: I hate you!
Lionel: Good for you.
LittleLex: And I'm not wearing the wig!
Lionel: Goddamn BRAT.
LittleLex: And I'm watching Star Trek EVERY SINGLE NIGHT!
Lionel: <mumbled> Oh fucking hell...

Which probably won't appear in the fic unless Clark develops the Roswellian power of catching memories while kissing. I can't decide whether to make him have wished he was Data or Geordi when he was a kid. Strength & speed versus x-ray+ vision for him to say mournfully, "Back when I thought it'd be COOL to have..."

Originally posted 13 Jan. 2002


X. Writing bug
Okay. Trying to work out what link to put between Clark and the Roswellians for the Rosville fic. Toying with something like

(Twenty minutes and some damn bizarre dolphin thoughts later--)

Max & co exiled for ordering the destruction of Krypton.

That would kinda suck at the basic "let's be friends and swap notes on alienation" level, though.

Originally posted 17 Jan. 2002


XI. Hmm. This has actually been bothering me for a bit.
Before or after the kids find out Max's people destroyed Clark's. Can't decide.

Clark: How come you look human?
Michael: How come you do?
Clark: I don't know. [stung] I was just asking.
Max: We're hybrids. Part alien, part human.
Clark: I thought you said you were clones?
Isabel: Well... we are.
Clark: But... See, I don't get this. You guys act like you have a destiny, like you're these people from... you know. But the way I understand it, even clones get a blank slate to start from. And you're not even really clones if you're part human, too. It's like you're the kids of the people you think you are, and whoever the humans were that they got hybridized with.
Liz: Yeah... Max, the guy's got a point.
Max: What about memories?
Liz: Genetic memory--it makes sense. They're just flashes. Not like things you forgot, but like things that didn't actually happen to you.
Clark: I think--what's happened to you in this life is what makes you who you are--who we all are. I mean--my parents, my human ones, the people who raised me--I think they really shaped who I am.
[Michael gets up and leaves. Tess looks uncomfortable.]
Maria: [quietly] Oh, shit.
Clark: [fazed] Was it something I said?
[Everyone avoids looking at him]
Max: Michael's foster father, before he got emancipated, used to--hit him.
Tess: And I was raised by Nasedo. He was sort of our--guard, you know. And he was willing to kill to protect us.
Clark: [has this answer ready because he wants to believe the best of Lex as well] Sometimes our parents give us examples of what not to do as well.

Originally posted 18 Jan. 2002


XII. Dramatic cliches for the Rosville bit
I've had enough with this "If you love him let him go" bullshit. Let's try "Sometimes people run away to see if you follow" for a bit, and if that doesn't work out we can switch back, okay?

Originally posted 19 Jan. 2002


XIII. Argh.
Okay, this has been discussed on clex, but I never got an answer I liked for it. See, in fic, Lex is never mad at Clark when Clark finally tells Lex the truth. And people have said he should be mad, and I seem to agree, except I don't.

I mean, Lex knows that Clark has a secret, and has an inkling of what it is. If he's not already pissed off at Clark for keeping this secret--he seems pretty friendly to me--then why should he be pissed off when Clark says, "Yes, you're right, I DO have a secret... this is what it is"?

And how the hell do you be mad at someone for claiming to be an alien? Frightened, maybe, but not mad. I mean, if you think he's telling the truth.

If you think he's lying, it's another matter entirely. My best friend from third grade's mom bitched me out for "telling stories." But Lex definitely has an inkling. So why would he think Clark is lying?

Maybe he gets mad because he thinks Clark's not telling the entire truth. Now, IF Clark told the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help him God, what would Lex think he's leaving out? Alternatively, how would Clark lie/mislead/rearrange the truth/leave things out and how would Lex see through it?

'Cause, damn it, I really need him to be mad.

Originally posted 20 Jan. 2002


XIV. Hmmmmm.
What if his conclusion is--fanon cliche that this is--that Clark's a mutant. And he thinks Clark's lying when he says he's an alien. Some kind of "You think you're special? You think you're better than them?" deal. Except that would make Lex really, really twisted and bitchy and... screwed up, and that's not what I need for the story.

Originally posted 20 Jan. 2002


XV. Bits.
Remember when Lex didn't want Clark to know why he was sent off in a spacepod?

Clark!Muse apparently likes defying Lex.

Sometime after Lex (and the Kents?) come to Roswell to drag Clark home. Clark is giving a rehash of this, though I don't quite know why... I'm not sure what Lex has done that Clark needs to convince him he's not Lionel and/or that Clark trusts him. Maybe Lex doesn't think Clark trusts him because he won't come back yet?

Anyway, Clark is explaining that the sins of the father are not visited on the son, and here's an example; the guy's parents/alien genetic parents/what-have-you committed the genocide of Clark's people, blew up his planet, which is why they were exiled, but the Roswellians would never do something like that, they're his *friends.*

Lex, all frustrated (that Clark now knows for certain what happened; that Clark is refusing to come back yet) answers that only Clark would respond to finding out the fate of his people and embrace their murderers' children.

Clark asks what does Lex mean, finding out. Lex splutters something. Clark tells Lex he already knew what happened. He figured out how to read the tablet Jonathan gave him. Furthermore, he figured it out the same night he "came out" as an alien to Lex, *and* it was a causative factor--ever since finding out he wasn't of Earth, Clark had been wondering, well, how long he was going to be here and did he want to leave and would he have a choice. And then he found out there was nothing left to go back to, that Earth was all he had, so for the first time since his parents told him, he felt like he was free to consider Earth his home and act like he was going to spend the rest of his life here and form real relationships--and to form a real relationship with Lex, he wanted to come clean and tell him who he really was. Because Honesty is Important. And Lex is Special to Clark.

I'll figure out how I want Clark to say that later.

Anyway, Lex stunned at the magnitude of this. Smoochies.


Bits from much earlier in the fic. Lex is trying to help find Clark. Suggests there might be something in his room revealing somewhere he wanted to go. Diary, frex. (Also, Lex says he's loathe to make this suggestion because when he got dragged back from running away, he was furious at his father for reading his journal. Just drops this into conversation. I'm sure there's a story there somewhere, if my Lex!Muse will ever stop sulking about Clark!Muse one-upping him and knowing the fate of Krypton all along.) Anyway, Martha take Clark's journal away from Jonathan and says, "*I*'ll read that." And Jonathan asks why and Martha says she wouldn't want Jonathan to have a heart attack if he read anything Clark said about Lex. Lex is just watching this argument with amusement.

Also, at this point Lex knows about the invulnerability and strength, but not speed, so the Kents have to tell him when he's telling people to search within a certain radius. Lex sighs, gets back on the cell phone, and tells his people to assume Clark has a car and drives like Lex--fast. The Kents are doubtful as to whether this will be far enough. They decide to hope Clark can't keep going as fast he goes for very long, because the only other thing Lex could say is "He might have gotten on a plane and gone, well, anywhere," but that wouldn't help because a) they wouldn't believe he could manage casual flying these days b) it'd put the focus on airports, which, not really helpful.

This stuff is so poorly articulated right now. Eck, I hope it solidifies later...

Originally posted 28 Jan. 2002

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