Weird Streak--Fanish JMTorres
Poison
Closet
Weirds
Me
Out

If you talk to me for any length of time about my real life, you'll hear references to "BN." That's the guy who lived next door to me in the dorm during the fateful year I flunked out, and has remained a friend faithful and true since. This is how he got that nick:

Blessed Is The Leek

1God spoke unto me, and He said, "This is the Dawning of the Age of Asparagus." 2And yea verily, there was irony apparent, for, far from dawn, it was closer to the crack of two in the afternoon. 3May it never be said that God is without a sense of humor.

4And I rose, to make asparagus, as God had told me, 5but God spoke again, and He said to me, "First you must wash dishes before you may cook. 6Wash the dishes of thy Blessed Neighbor that you have dirtied, and I shall bless him again." 7May it never be said that God is without practicality.

8And I said, "Don't I get a blessing?" 9And God said, "No, you have three month old containers of unidentifiable substances in your fridge. Wash them as well, and I shall bless your fridge." 10And I was ashamed, for I knew I had new organisms evolving in the primordial sludge that had once been onion and enchilada sauce. I was ashamed, and I knew that I deserved no blessing.11May it never be said that God is without a sense of justice.

12And I did the dishes as God had instructed, and God looked upon the dishes, which were clean, even if the Tupperware was slightly orange. 13And God looked upon them, and saw that they were good. 14And then I went to the fridge to find the asparagus. 15By the blessings of God, there were also mushrooms. 16May it never be said that God is without kindness.

17I took the asparagus and boiled it, with measure of olive oil and a measure of lemon zest, also known to Blessed Neighbor as "ridiculously expensive grated and dried lemon peel." 18And I sauteed the mushrooms in olive oil. 19And olive oil was used liberally and without guilt all around, for it is the cleanest and best of oils in God's eye. 20And God looked upon my cooking, and saw that it was good. 21And God tasted my cooking, and knew that it was good. 22And God blessed the food, and made there be enough to share with Blessed Neighbor, whose pots had been used in its preparation. 23May it never be said that God is without generosity.

24Amen.

Originally posted 28 Nov. 2001

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